RANTING ON THE INTERNET.

Oh my  god, I am sooooooooo sick of being an adult. This shit is so hard. It is so impossible. I am SO SICK OF IT. I feel like ripping my hair out. Nothing goes as planned! There is no beauty in that either, please don't give me that. There is nothing beautiful about counting on an income you can't count on. I have been all, "Oh, I'm not into the whole 'real job' thing. I want to be free and flexible and independent and just make the same working part time as I would full time. I'm smarter than the system. #ValueMyFreedom #ImACreative #1099IncomeForDayz," but after finding out that there has been a significant cut to my anticipated income due to very reasonable things, I am fried. Something has to give. I am sick of not making a living wage. I can't even afford to not live with my parents. I can't even afford to not live with my parents with three other roommates. That is ABSURD. #HowToConfuseAMillennial is so on point, I just can't even. And I love my day job. I LOVE what I do. I love it so much. I make some banging money hourly. But there aren't enough hours. My schedule is TOO flexible. The BF and I went to a dive bar last week and this old dude who kicked for IDK the Broncos? picked up our tab and was like, "Do you two make $100K a year combined?" and BOY, DID WE HAVE A LAUGH. He then asked us how we can afford to live in this city, and it was SO NICE to see a grown-up really be baffled at how impossible things are for us millennz.  I am #LivingTheDream, but juggling a million different things to make a buck has left me at my wit's end. I always feel like I give up on something too soon, but what if it was never going to work? I keep abandoning ship right before the waves quell. What if it's not the job, what if it's me? Am I giving up if I get a full-time job not in my field? I know plenty of millennials not working in their field. But I should be working in my field. How do I work in my field and make money??????? How do I do what I love and make money????? How are there so many people on the internet making money but I'm not????? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET MY SH*T TOGETHER. I can't even keep it together long enough to write a couple blog posts every week! I have saved and scrapped and hoarded all of the money I have made like a squirrel does nuts before the winter. I'm prettY close to having a paltry downpayment for a house. That right there is pretty adult, and I am definitely giving myself credit for that, but career-wise, I feel like a toddler who slept-lept out of their crib and woke up on the hardwood flooring. We went house-hunting this weekend and stumbled upon an open house that looked like your typical old Florida home from the curb. Oh, my god. It was beautiful inside. It was everything I have ever wanted in a house. It was majestic. It was half a million dollars, and then I cried. The agent who was hosting the open house was very courteous and did not ask us what our budget was. I'll tell you how big our budget is: it's one bathroom. If you have ever looked to buy or rent a place, you know exactly what I mean by a one-bathroom budget. I don't know how I'm ever going to be a self-sufficient adult. I don't know how anyone can be a self-sufficient adult while also having a useless little minihuman who depends on them completely! I can barely take care of myself, yo. I want to keep on keepin' on, but I am burnt out and feeling hopeless. My head is above water, but it keeps bobbing under. I don't know where I'm going or what I need to do. I just. I need a break.